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Easing into the new year

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Image credit @SpiritDaughter

After quite a stressful end to 2022, I have chosen to ease myself into the new year and decided that January and February are good months to try to focus on my needs and those closest to me.

I think the run up to Christmas can be quite fraught. I have 3 children who are still young enough to be excited at the prospect of waking up on Christmas Day to stockings and our chosen family traditions. It puts a lot of (self-imposed) pressure on me to get it all right and create memories that I hope they hold dear in the future.

The school holidays always pass too quickly and before I know it they’re all returning to school, and the magic of the festivities is swiftly replaced by the regular activities they enjoy, but which I find tiresome – a weekly cycle of food shopping, cooking, cleaning and driving them to wherever they need to be. In between that I shoehorn things that give me joy and squeeze in work. When the sun is shining I feel way more capable of breezing through this, but in the depths of winter, when the beautiful Christmas lights come down I struggle with my motivation.

This year I chose to keep my diary as free as possible for 6 weeks. I did not fit in every commitment to someone else (work or voluntary) that I usually would and have tried to do only what is needed to get us all through.

Today was a beautiful, bright & sunny day, though still nippy, and I have loved noticing the signs of Spring ahead.

I have lots planned for this year for my doula work and I’m looking forward to feeling a little bit more on top of things.

This image popped up on a social media feed and it really resonated with me. I’m loving the feeling of a gradual coming out of hibernation and am being gentle with myself for a few weeks. I hope I’ll feel the benefit for much longer.

 

 

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Mother Blessing Ceremony

What we consider to be a rite of passage within our society changes and is fluid, however sadly I think we have started to lose sight of some of the important moments within our lives. They pass us by without the recognition and celebration that they deserve.

When we are pregnant there are always lots of questions about the baby soon to arrive; Do you want a boy/girl? Where will they be born? Have you decorated a nursery? Did I tell you about my labour? What names have you chosen? What I don’t believe we do is cherish the woman and acknowledge the huge change that she is about to experience, physically and emotionally.

Holding a Mother Blessing ceremony is a wonderful way to involve those closest to you in your pregnancy, share your thoughts, your excitement and also your fears. This is an opportunity to ask for their continued support as well as their well wishes.

What does a Mother Blessing ceremony look like?
It can be held in your home, a friend’s home, a garden or a booked venue. What is important is that you and your guests feel warm, welcomed and at ease. It’s important to be able to have privacy as women may share their intimate thoughts and experiences. During planning you will be invited to choose a theme of colours which appeal to you and give an idea of how you would like to feel during the day.

There are three main components to the day, the arrival and welcome, the ceremony & activity, the shared food & drink.

  • Arrival
    Guests will be asked to arrive in plenty of time so they have time for a refreshing drink, to acquaint themselves with the venue and be relaxed ready for the ceremony.
  • Ceremony
    We will agree how you wish people to be welcomed, I always recommend a personal welcome and smudging as they enter the ceremony area. This is a symbolic act of leaving worries and cares at the door and preparing ourselves mindfully to focus on the woman who is being blessed.
    A short grounding meditation can follow, and an introduction by each person present. Each woman can then place their token on a central alter and the ceremony can begin.
  • Honouring the mother is the crux of the ceremony. She will be placed on a throne, and made to feel like a goddess. Her feet could be washed, her hair brushed, and a shawl wrapped around her for comfort and a feeling of security and nurturing. This is a wonderful chance for each woman to share positive experiences, their stories of friendship, perhaps explain to the mother to be what she admires in her and her strengths.

Doing a symbolic activity together helps a feeling bonding and togetherness. There are so many things that can be done, but a few ideas are making a candle each to burn when labour begins, threading a beaded string to represent each woman present, for the birthing mother to keep by her in labour, creating a circle of thread, tied loosely around wrists to show support and union. These will only be removed when the baby has arrived.
There are so many options, but it’s important that the birthing woman is recognised and feels supported.

There may be singing and joyous celebration.

  • Closing the ceremony
    The end of the Mother Blessing should be marked. This means giving people an opportunity to add anything they wish and give thanks for the shared experience.
  • Food & drink
    This can be whatever you wish. You may wish to put an end time on the celebration, to ensure you can enjoy it fully without feeling tired, or it may be something that draws itself more naturally to an end.

Further information

Cost – £350
This can be paid in instalments or I can offer gift vouchers that you may wish to offer your guests to help pay for it.

Duration – The ceremonial aspect of the day will last approximately 1.5hrs, however there will be set up time before, and you may wish to welcome guests with a drink. The food & drink after may go on as long as you want and we can discuss your wishes around this when planning.

Date – I’d recommend booking this for around 36-38 weeks, but am flexible to your wishes.

This is an incredibly personalised experience. While I have given ideas above, it is your celebration and it will be tailored specifically to your wishes.

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International Women’s Day 2021

I can’t believe International Women’s Day has come around again.  Today, I have sent two of my three children back to school, after nearly 3 months of not seeing their friends. It has been a strange year and a lot has changed.

Sadly some things have not changed, and inequality for women is one of these. The CV-19 pandemic has had a huge effect on women across the world. In the UK we have seen domestic violence rise and employment fall, just two of the gendered consequences.

I woke up today to a stream of women positive posts on my social media which I always love to see, however support, friendship and kindness are not an experience shared by all women.

“We can all choose to challenge and call out gender bias and inequality. We can all choose to seek out and celebrate women’s achievements. Collectively, we can all help create an inclusive world.”

From challenge can come change and that is what we need to see.

I realise that a lot of action can be reactive; many women are not afraid to call out inequality and do take opportunity to challenge sexist or misogynistic behaviour. However, that isn’t the same as being proactive, looking for ways to raise women up, and working positively for equality. Within the birth world I see women often treated poorly, and I suppose this isn’t surprising, as despite being a predominantly female experience it is steeped in patriarchy. I see women who are disadvantaged or vulnerable being offered fewer options than those who are more privileged in their everyday life. Bodily autonomy seems to be forgotten and choices are limited further and further as more and more vulnerabilities are added to the mix.

I am passionate about the volunteer work that I do within two organisations and both of those have opened my eyes further to the inequality of our lives and the systemic attacks on women and their freedoms. This year, I pledge to focus particularly on drawing together my passions of supporting birthing women and their families, and empowering survivors of sexual & domestic violence.

 

www.internationalwomensday.com

#IWD2021 #InternationalWomensDay2021 #ChooseToChallenge

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How best to support a new mum

I recently saw a post on Facebook titled ‘Advice please – how to be a good MIL’ and it made me smile, but also made me quite sad. Are we so disjointed and disconnected as a society that we can’t recognise what is needed by a new family?

I think that so much emphasis is put on pregnancy and birth and not enough thought is put into the precious weeks following a new arrival.

I think women feel so much pressure to let family and friends meet the new baby, but this comes with an expectation (probably placed on ourselves) ‘to host’. Most of us like having people to visit; enjoy the process of making tea, pouring drinks, arranging snacks and caring for our guests. We whip around the house, make sure the toilet is presentable, cushions are plumped, dishes thrown in the dishwasher. All of these are things that as a new mum are another pressure on top of the looking after a beautiful new being.

One way to avoid this is to write a babymoon plan, a chance to write down what you as a new family would like and what you definitely don’t want. It might feel over-the-top, but at the very least it will ensure that both parents are  on the same page, and understand what will benefit everyone.

Here are my recommendations to visitors:

  • Call in advance, don’t just pitch up.
  • Send text or WhatsApp messages of support but avoid questions. Try ‘Hope you’re feeling well, loved seeing your pictures, you’re doing a great job.’
  • Bring food. One for the freezer, one for the fridge and snacks.
  • Make tea when you arrive and & a glass of water. Whether breastfeeding or not, keeping hydrated is important and almost always falls off the radar.
  • Offer to throw a load in the washing machine (but understand that there may be evidence of lochia/blood and a new mum may find this embarrassing).
  • Clear the sides of dishes in the kitchen.
  • Gifts for baby are lovely, but consider a small gift for mum (e.g. a hot mug, cosy socks, handcream).
  • Listen, carefully and with consideration. Everyone is adjusting to something new and they may want to talk about their experiences.
  • Don’t stay too long.

Often guests come to visit and expect to hold a baby, giving mum ‘time off’ This almost always leads to her running about getting a couple of chores done. Maybe ask if she’d like to go for a lie down or a shower.

I think the most important thing to remember is that you’re visiting a new, tired family and your support will be needed long after the precious first weeks. There will be plenty of time for cuddles, nobody outgrows those.

 

https://uk.nyrorganic.com/shop/clairedavies/area/shop-online/category/sleep-solutions/

 

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What it is to be a Mother in 2019

I was recently asked to do a talk on what it is to be a mother in 2019. I said yes (because I seem to have an innate inability to say no – more of that another time) but I was slightly daunted by the prospect. If I’m asked what it’s like for me to be a mother that is one thing, but to try to do justice to the women I know and meet women, who are all ‘mothering’ but all so different,  that is quite another matter.

I put out a request for stories, feelings and words and I was inundated with messages. My over-riding feeling was being overwhelmed by the number of women who wanted to share their feelings, their frustrations and also their great joys in being a mother. The variety of experience and the depth of feelings was immense, I don’t think we have enough outlets for the pressure-cooker of emotions that we feel. I’ve used some direct quotes from other mums throughout this (they’re in italics).

So many comments resonated deeply with me, such as ‘to be a mother is to be constantly interruptable‘. Before being a mum I was super efficient, quick and productive; now I know I still get a lot done, but I never feel efficient. A task which should take an hour, is invariably spread over several days. It will be completed, while I’m driving, cooking, washing, doing homework, changing beds or working on another project.

It’s like continually peddling a bike… backwards….. you keep pedalling even though you don’t feel like your getting anywhere.

I often worry about being judged for my style of parenting and I agonise over whether I am doing the best for my children. There are so many choices available to us and sometimes the sheer number of options and opportunities available can be too much. I often feel as if I have completely lost myself in trying to be everything to everyone. I don’t blame anyone else for this, it’s a pressure I put on myself daily and I know I’m not the only one.

I’ve written about this before, but it is so true for many parents. Many don’t have family support at hand, whether that’s because of distance, willingness, or an availability of time. For me, having moved several times since my youngest was born, each time finding and building a tribe of support was essential for me. I rely on a network of friends to buoy me up and help out when things go a bit haywire.

Being a mum is about loving someone else completely and unconditionally no matter what they do and that means that everyday can be a rollercoaster of emotions. I love my children fiercely, but I definitely don’t like what they do sometimes. They drive me to distraction and they fill me with utter joy. I lose sleep sometimes worrying about which bits of their childhood they’ll remember, will it be the shouting & frustration from me, or will it be the gentle, reassuring hugs. I wish I could choose what really sinks in but I can only do my best. The truth is, no matter how much of a grouch I’ve been with my kids, I get a clean slate the next day…there are no other humans in the world that would do that!

I adore being a mother and still feel grateful for it, it’s a privilege. 

I wanted to end on a favourite poem by Hollie McNish. Listen to it here, please do, it’s beautiful.

What’s my name again?

I lost my name
at toddler group

From Hollie, or Hols or Hobbit or Hollie McNish
I’m now known as ‘so and so’s mum’
And I cannot complain
‘Cos I’m just the same
I put this label on everyone

I met Izzy’s dad for a drink at the park
we bumped into Molly’s gran
and Tiana’s and Mark’s
and it’s only when the stars are out and everything’s dark
and it’s night and she’s finally fallen asleep
that my name label creeps out from under the table
and I am able to remember the person I am
with a hot cup of tea and a book in my hand
and a two hour slot to remember my own plans
before I turn off my light.

Cinderella’s clock strikes at midnight each time
My clock strikes loudly at nine.

Now it’s your time, it chimes,
and my name becomes Hollie once more.
Until she cries out for me
or needs her next wee
or shouts in her dreams
or pleads for a fiftieth cuddle from me
or I sneak into her room just to look at her sleep
and the label shifts quickly to mum again.

To mum again.
From Hollie to Mum
From Hollie to Mum
Like a grandfather clock
or a metronome run
a life-raising swing
between structure and fun

But one word cannot sum up
The things we’ve all done
The way that we love
The stories we tell

As she asks me for stories in queues and on trains
In cars and by lakes as we sit
sipping on days that
we mould for our kids
who don’t give a shit
about the style of our clothes
our grand lack of sleep
or our hairs turning grey
as we worrier warriors structure our days
into play –
building dens from pegged shirts
dirty and snot striped
as sleeves wipe their noses
no bouquets of roses are thrown on our stages

underpaid, overworked

Us feeders
us nappy-change divas
us breeders
us milk-makers
milk strainers
cracked-nipple swell painful
bottle-fed
guilt-ridden
time-giving
minds riddled all day and night with their care
one o’clock in the morning
just to check they are fine
if the covers are on right
if the nappy is too tight
if the bedroom is too light
so that not even in the middle of a mother’s own night
she’s not quite an individual in her own right

But she’s strong
craving her own space
and told that that’s wrong
A sleepless survivor that longs just to lie down
to have a wee on her own
or a bath by herself
who sometimes feels like she’s given herself
for this role

In this land where we are now known as so and so’s dad
and thingamy’s mum
A label that’s filled with more love
than I ever knew

Someone said mum’s are the rock that never crumble.
I don’t think that’s true.
‘Cos I do.
I cry hidden in loos
I scream alone in my car
and when I’m woken once more
and desperate to sleep
I weep watching the stars
and every mum that I know says those moments are never so far.

We are parents but we are people
We are snot-rags and we are dreamers
We are queens and we are cleaners
We are kissed and we are screamed at
We are sleep-deprived gardeners, cut hands hidden in gloves.
We are rocks crumbling sometimes in love that’s so heavy.

We are story-telling experts.
And our stories are many.

 

 

 

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Belly-binding and why you should consider it.

Two years ago I attended a course which focused on the health & well being of mothers in the immediate post-natal period. It was while on this course that I was introduced to Malaysian Bengkung belly binding and I could immediately see the value in it. I purchased my first belly binding soon after from a doula who makes hers in rural Wales.

A belly bind is a long piece of fabric, often cotton , approximately 40cm wide and between 6m and 16m long. The length you require depends not just on your frame, but how deeply you wish to bind. Some people wish only to bind their hips and lower abdomen, while others prefer to bind further up, to sit just below their breasts.

During pregnancy, all parts of your body change, shift and expand. Your skin stretches taught over your growing baby and your hips widen in preparation for birth. Once the baby has arrived, the post-partum body you find yourself with is unfamiliar and almost certainly a bit squashy. Internally your muscles have also been affected greatly.

Post birth belly binding can help with the contraction of your body, moving it closer to it’s pre birth state. This isn’t necessarily about being slimmer (although few would complain), it’s about providing support to your internal organs, and encouraging them into a pre-pregnancy position, assisting with abdominal wall muscle retraction, supporting loosened ligaments and improving posture, reducing the risk of back pain.

Belly binding can help with repairing diastasis recti as well, by bringing bands of muscle back together and supporting them.

Belly binding can also provide support to the pelvic area. The pelvis undergoes a lot of change in the run up to birth, loosening and preparing for the passage of the baby. Using a binding post birth can provide additional support while the birth hormones are still whizzing around your body. The lower back support this gives feels amazing and is akin to the nurturing feelings experienced by firm hip squeezes during labour.

As well as the physical benefits of belly binding, many women feel an emotional strength from it too. The act of caring for yourself, taking a few minutes in the morning to do something for yourself, often helps a woman to appreciate what their bodies have achieved in growing and birthing their child. As with ‘closing the bones’ ceremonies, many women see this as a symbolic closure of their pregnancy (I can direct you to women who perform this ceremony locally).


Belly Binding service
I would like to share the benefits of belly binding with women in Cornwall and the Devon borders. I have put together a service which you may buy for yourself or gift to friends and family.

The full package includes:

  • Each appointment, in your own home, lasts approximately 2 hrs.
  • We will discuss what benefits you are seeking from belly binding.
  • We will try several belly binds to find one which is the most suitable length for your requirements.
  • I will teach you how to bind yourself.
  • One months rental of your chosen belly binding.
  • A pre-paid envelope to return the belly binding at the end of the month.

All of this is included in the £60 fee (If you wish to purchase your binding it will cost an additional £20)

I am also able to offer a daily binding service where I will come to your house each morning to bind you. Price for this service is available on request and dependant upon location.

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International Women’s Day 2019

 

This day needs to be acknowledged every year. On International Women’s Day I always do a lot of thinking and reflect on my feelings of women and their position in the world today. My thoughts are always tinged by the experiences I have had in the weeks leading up to IWD and this year is no different.

This beautiful image (by Little by Lupin) reflects how I am feeling today. It may be chilly and cold still, but there’s a hint of Spring in the air, and Summer will eventually arrive. I am fortunate to have a group of women around me who support and encourage me, whatever endeavour I’m pursuing. These women don’t all live near to me, although luckily some do. I see my friends and colleagues doing amazing things for other women, whether that be through their work, their mothering or their care of others. Most of them know that they need to perform self-care to do this well, and there is no guilt for ensuring they can do the best for all. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Recently I’ve been working alongside a group of midwives who are engaged in a project to provide Continuity of Care to the women in their area. This in itself is fantastic, but they are also inviting other birth professionals to meet their antenatal groups. Myself, along with other doulas, hypnobirth teachers and yoga practitioners, have been given the opportunity to speak to women and their families about many options which fall outside of standard NHS care . These choices may provide additional support to them through pregnancy, birth and beyond. I am so excited by this as it is a perfect example of women being open to ideas, looking at things from a new perspective and raising up other women. What is not to love about empowering women to make their own choices about something so life-changing as becoming a mother.

I have also been doing some training to support women who are survivors of sexual and domestic violence. This wasn’t entered into lightly but there has not been a second when I have regretted that decision. I’m a long way off completing my training, but the course has been transformative.

To sit in a circle of women who all have the same desire to improve the lives of other women is very grounding. I have always considered myself a Feminist, but now I am a far better informed one. I have been shocked and saddened by most of the information given to me, but at present I feel as if we are on a mountain, heading for the top (although admittedly with a long way to go).

To finish, I wanted to include a picture of the gift sent to me by my sister. On International Women’s Day, I know there are millions of women who have my back, the same way I have theirs. But there is something special about a sister who sends you a reminder of your worth, on just the right day.

‘Empowered Women, Empower Women’

Happy International Women’s Day 2019

 

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What does a doula do?

What does a doula do?
I’m very fortunate here in Cornwall as there are quite a few wonderful doulas. This means that not only are there are lots of opportunities to provide shared care for clients and back-up for unforeseen emergencies, but also means there is a fantastic network of women, all working towards providing a better birth experience within the county.

As well as the benefits above, it also means that the role of a doula is fairly well understood locally, certainly when compared to other places I have lived and worked. Despite this, I do often get asked what I do, and there are definitely some misconceptions about my job. I always wanted to try and come up with a ‘snappy soundbite’ to encompass my role, but so far it has evaded me, so I thought I’d write a short post of explanation.

Lets start with some myth busting
Firstly, I’m not medically qualified. I can not replace the role of the midwife or any other healthcare professional that may attend to you. I am however trained in providing continuous  informational, emotional and physical support throughout your pregnancy, birth and postnatally. I enjoy working alongside midwives and have a deep respect for their skills and knowledge.

I’m also not a patchouli smelling hippy, although I do have a penchant for jasmine oil, being barefoot in the garden in summer, and hanging pretty bits in trees.
I like filling my house with treasures from the garden, and do like an Epsom salt filled bath, with essential oils and dried flowers.
I have 50 odd sheep and have been known to spin their wool. I don’t think I’m particularly ‘alternative’, but I’m definitely in tune with what’s around me.

I don’t just attend homebirths. I will attend your birth wherever you choose it to be. You could be in a forest, surrounded by nature’s wildlife, at home in a birthing pool, in a midwife-led unit, the delivery ward or support you through a C-section. What is important to me is that you make your decision having considered all the facts and options available to you, knowing that the choices are yours to make.

I’m not a ‘paid hand-holder’ as I’ve seen us described recently in the press. I’m a trained birth professional, well-read & confident. I will help you prepare for labour, will ensure you’ve considered all your options in your birth plan and am willing to help you achieve your desired birth however possible. Of course, I’ll hold your hand if you want me to, I’m pretty good at it.

I won’t offer you advice, my role is
not to tell you what to do. I can listen and I am epic at tracking down information and signposting. If you’re unsure at any time, I’m a good sounding-board and I’ll be able to remind you about your wishes during any difficult phases of labour. I’ll also remind everyone else around you.

I don’t replace your birth partner, unless you want me to fulfil that role. For me, we are all part of a team. I will ensure your needs are met first and foremost, but I also recognise that your partner will be able to support you all the better if they are rested, fed and hydrated. I’ll remind you both throughout and ensure you are both cared for.

During birth, I will hold that sacred space for you. I will give words of encouragement, help with positioning and give massage to help with pain relief.

What else?
As your doula I will be there for you from the moment you book me. You can call me with any fears, doubts or worries. I want to hear them to understand you better. I will go on call at about 37 weeks, as will my husband, and no doubt friends, to ensure that my family are cared for and I will be 100% focused on your birth. If your labour lasts longer than expected, there won’t be a shift change, I will be by your side. I won’t leave until you’re ready for me to go.

When your baby arrives, I will stay with you, and make sure you are comfortable. I can help to protect that precious, golden hour after birth, making sure you have what you need, are warm, have eaten and have a drink by your side. I can help you establish your first breastfeed if that’s what you choose.

In the days after I will visit you at home. I can provide practical support, whip around the house with a hoover, pop a wash-load on, do the dishes and make you some food. More importantly I can watch your baby if you want to grab some sleep, or I can amuse older siblings. I can listen to you, and go through your birth story if you wish. The bond we build through pregnancy and birth is incredibly special and I value it enormously.


I am a passionate advocate of Birth Rights, for that you can read Human
Rights. I do bang on a bit about ‘Informed Choice’, and I will do my best to ensure that you feel empowered to make decisions that are best for you and your baby.
I have many books that I can lend you, and can direct you to some brilliant organisations who can provide information in less than straight-forward situations.

I hope this has helped to understand what I do. I am privileged to be invited into your birth space and to be able to do the work that I love.

If you would like more evidence-based reasons for why you should consider hiring me, perhaps look at the Cochrane report.

If you think you may be interested, please get in touch. We can arrange an informal meeting to discuss your needs, but more importantly to see if we click. I’m always happy to answer any questions you may have.

Some useful websites
www.aims.org.uk
www.birthrights.org.uk
www.doula.org.uk
www.positivebirthmovement.org

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Why I became a doula?

The truth is, I didn’t become a doula, I always was one, I just needed a gentle nudge by someone I trusted to recognise it.

We say that it takes a village to raise a child, but after my third child was born, my family and I moved often.

Having initially left Cornwall when my youngest was barely 6 weeks old, we then moved again when she was 6 months old. I was not in the best place mentally, I had three children of 4 years and under and a husband who was very committed to his work. I had no family or friends nearby; certainly not ones who could pop by for a sanity saving cuppa. I was pretty determined to create my own village though and did my best to get out, meet people, chat to literally anyone and everyone and try to ‘find my tribe’.

I was welcomed at a local baby & toddler group and made friends, slipping eventually from mundane but necessary small talk, into more relaxed conversation and lunches afterwards. Meet-ups started happening between baby groups and I forged new, valued friendships.

Having three young children and probably looking to the outside world like I ‘had it together’, I found myself being politely questioned and advice asked. I liked the fact that people found me approachable, and I loved being able to share my experience. I was certainly no expert, I couldn’t always give evidence-based advice, but I could tell you what worked for me. I could sit quietly next to you with a cup of tea, I could listen to you and if I didn’t know about something, I found out about it afterwards. I asked for advice myself and sought out people who were in a better place to know the answers I didn’t. It was when doing this that someone said ‘you should be a doula’.

The seed was sown, I went to an information evening held by a local doula course provider and in my head I was committed to doing it. As with so many things though, it ended up taking a back seat for a while. My life didn’t allow for it at that moment, things were about to significantly change for us as a family, and a move to rural Wales ensued.

This move threw me off balance completely. I was in a new place again, further than I’d ever been from my own support networks and incredibly lonely. I focused on settling my children at a new school, went to new toddler groups, helped with everything at school that I could, but I definitely didn’t find what I needed for a long time. Meeting up with old friends around Christmas, one of my husband’s friends gently asked if I was depressed. That question gave me such a shock and I realised I need to change something quickly. I needed a focus for myself and I needed to be doing what I loved too. I missed my ‘tribe’, I missed being part of a self curated circle of women and I desperately missed having a supportive role within a community. When I got home I booked on to my chosen doula training course. It wasn’t until May, but at least it was a focus, something to look forward to. I started researching more, looking up books and reading around birth subjects that interested me.

I also started attending a new yoga-based toddler group, and met some inspiring women. If I could have hand-picked friends and dropped them in a room, this is what I would have chosen. It was a lifeline to me, somewhere I could still breastfeed my 3 year old (and not be the only one), I could be myself, I felt encouraged, welcome and at home. The group leader was also a doula, I was in heaven.

By the time I went away to do my doula training in May that year I felt like a different woman. There had been some big changes in my life in the 5 months since Christmas. As a family we had had to deal with life-threatening illness, but because of that I now knew what it felt like to be supported. I knew the value of someone preparing me food when I was my own last priority; having someone on the end of a phone line when needed and the importance of having someone to care for me, when I was in a haze of caring for others. I had been well and truly ‘doula’d’ myself. I went into my training, knowing that I could immerse myself for 5 full days of training and that I would come out the other end in a perfect position to support others.

It took a while to get there, but I now felt like the doula I had actually always been.

 

Claire Davies – Providing doula services in Cornwall and the Devon borders.